Ever have those days where you just want to curl up and give up on everything? ...today is one of those days for me. Reaching for positives is proving hard so hopefully having this little chat with you guys will sort out my emotions a little. I have had what many would call the ultimate roller-coaster of a weekend. It started off so fabulous. A huge birthday sleepover with my best friends is the medicine to any sad mood especially when you're joined by those who you don't get to see as often as you wish you could. I love spending time with people. You know that feeling of complete calm when you're with someone else's family and you're just at peace watching how they live their lives? And it's crazy to think how different everyone's lives are, but it's also a really special thing? I love that. I had a couple experiences of that recently and it's been very educational and peaceful for me. It was great to just spend a couple days being a bit crazy and letting go a little, the run up to exams is starting and I'm feeling the pressures, so I really enjoyed it.
Now though I feel really empty. Or perhaps, incomplete. I don't really know why. I don't know if it's the post-sleepover vibe kicking in or if it has something to do with the trivial matter of the show that opened me up so many new dreams and possibilities, taught me so many life lessons that no parent or teacher ever could, has just ended. It does sound trivial, doesn't it? It's just a TV show. And that is so true. It's not the show I'm going to miss. It's the realism, the characters, the unconditional love and the valuable lessons that I'm going to miss the most. But in amongst all of this I've had one steady realisation; it'll never truly be over. This is true for anything that you've lost in your life, something that may be classed to others as more 'important' than a lame TV show even (but please note that things that are important to you may not be important to others, that's not always because they don't like what it is but they just have different outlooks on life and that's okay,) As long as what it is that you love remains to be something you love, it'll never be over. Those memories, the laughter, the tears it brought you? Do you think they're just going to disappear? They won't. They will remain for years after. And as long as what you've lost remains a part of you, you can never truly lose something.
I also had this sad feeling that now that the show that brought me and my best friend closer than ever has gone, what if everything suddenly fades? Perhaps just an 'in the moment' thought that I've concluded that can never happen. What I've experienced with her I won't experience with any another friend to such a degree. Favourites will come and go but true friends will stay forever and that is all I really need in my life. It's just an extremely weird feeling to have something you've been attached to for so long be not just out of your reach (distance being a huge problem for me) but now be something that you can never even imagine getting your hands on and how much that could change everything.
During this...slump that I've been in. I thought that I would do something I've wanted to do for a while and curl up on my couch and watch 'Love, Rosie'; which you might remember from my book review. I can't even explain to you how emotional I got. I cried basically the whole time. I never really understood how people could continuously keep missing each other and make the wrong decisions in the hopes of making someone they love and deeply care about be happy, which unfortunately does the opposite.
I could ramble for days about random moments that have really made me reconsider life and my decisions but what I just wanted to share with you guys is that; now is the time to be. Be crazy, be happy, be emotional, be optimistic, be ambitious, be completely ridiculous but most important be you.
"Being a part of something special doesn't make you special - something is special because you are part of it."
So go and be a part of it. Whatever it is, now is the time to get out there and do what you want to do. No more sitting around and watching peoples lives and dreams come true and wishing someday that you could be up there with them. It all starts today.
No comments:
Post a Comment